Not my circus, not my monkeys…
There’s an old polish proverb ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’. At its roughest it is a way of saying, ‘not my problem’. It’s a statement that rejects responsibility for both the problem and what will follow. Subtly, or with a shrug stating; this is your chaos and your actions. A reminder that we must take responsibility for our own lives, problems, behaviour and outcomes.
And we’d all do well to listen to its wisdom. We live our lives, personally and professionally in an ever increasingly bubble wrapped world, problems are no longer our own. And responsibility for self is all too easily avoided. This is a world of nanny states. But all too often we ourselves act as nanny protectors. Giving of ourselves deeply into the lives of others. Absolving them of responsibility for their own messes. Denying them, albeit often unintentionally, their own choices and the control and responsibility of their own change.
Not my circus
A circus is a system of complex, beautiful chaos. It’s a tightly controlled act of clowns and gymnasts and monkeys. A net of complex interactions, where behaviours and actions are controlled by the ring master. The ring master keeps the monkeys in check. The monkeys willingly obeying, doing as they’re told. Hopefully it’s a flawless performance. But sometimes, sometimes it’s not.
Sometimes the chaos becomes messy. Sometimes the clown can only cry. The gymnast trips. The horse rider falls. The monkeys escape.
This is the circus in bedlam. A mess of a show.
But unless you’re that ringleader, this is not your show. And not your responsibility.
We cannot try to control what is not ours to control.
We cannot hold the burden of other’s problems. Nor can we manage the mess for them. We cannot take the whip and take control.
Not my monkeys
It’s easy as someone who cares deeply about those close to us, or as a passionate leader, a change maker, wanting only better outcomes, results, improvements, to see those monkeys escaping from that circus and want to fix it. And fix it fast.
Control the monkeys and control the mess, seeking once more the simplicity of the complex chaos of a perfectly performing circus.
But ‘not my monkeys’ is a reminder that we are not responsible for other people and their lives. Whether they succeed or fail is their responsibility.
The fact is that the best way to help people is to enable them to help themselves.
By taking control you deny people the opportunity to learn and grow. They need to have the whip firmly in their own hands. Because that whip of self-control is empowering, whatever the consequences.
Change is a circus. But controlling the monkeys really does begin from within.